I was always partial to the Stoic take. We cannot control what happens to us, we can only control how we respond to it. When we have the choice to be graceful or resentful in the face of something that feels unfair, choosing the latter only makes things worse for ourselves and those around us. There is something powerful about learning this re-framing and applying it to everyday life. People will wonder how you are so positive all the time. How you always manage to see the silver lining. Meanwhile they are letting their days be ruined by a cold coffee at the drive-thru window.
We all have the power to choose gratitude and grace over resentment and misery. It is a shame we live in a world where people feel empowered by their misery. They do not realize they are enslaving themselves in it.
This is so lovely. I suspect that all of us have days when we let the cold coffee bring us to despair, when we feel that we have somehow earned our right to wallow, that we deserve it. Pulling ourselves out of it can feel like a chore, even if we recognize that, nearly every time that we do so (perhaps *every single time* that we do so?), we feel better, more lifted, more passionate, more full of possibility and potential, when refusing to wallow. And yet the wallowing still beckons sometimes.
That’s just it. The wallowing beckons. An opportunity to feel sorry for ourselves and to feel justified in being pouty. For many people they cannot overcome that impulse, nor recognize the sense of agency doing so can elicit. It makes me wonder what the adaptation is there driving that response.
I am about 1/3 through the course on Stoicism on Wondrium. I don't know why I waited so late in life to explore it and learn it is so much more than the superficial understanding I had.
I am reminded of a passage from Is God A Taoist where God asks the author “Where does the you end and the rest of the universe begin?”. The play between the “me” and the “exterior” is a true mystery that appears to constantly be shifting.
And this, in turn, reminds me of the question of what "nature" is, and what therefore it means for something to be natural. We can talk of wild nature and have some sense that we mean to exclude the explicitly human-made, but humans are ourselves part of nature. As we are part of the universe. Our categories are necessary, and yet can mislead as they seem to separate us from that which we are part of.
What then is this thing called "human nature"? Even though most of what you wrote about in The Hunter Gatherers guide resonates with me ( and I prob should read it again!), the *idea* that there was interference, ala Von Daniken's Chariots of the God and Clark's 2001, makes me wonder sometimes at what we have become, silly as it sounds. I think that we are the 'machine people', inseparable from what we call technology. Do we honestly think we could survive like an animal as we are now? Dependent and soft as we are? Even if tool using came to be from the process we now acknowledge as 'evolution' I can not envision an evolutionary outcome for humans that is much different from the mind in the computer singularity scenario........at least in our current trend! And I don't like that! I don't want to be separated from nature! Sorry just whistling in the wind. Lots on my mind these days. :-)
For quite some time I’ve read the writings of St. Maximos the Confessor. And what you share here about yourself is a compelling story of your free choice to direct your will to the good. You walked and walked and walked. In this way you participated in the good which pre-exists us all. If we neither add or subtract to the empirical truths we experience and we weigh and measure each outcome— we have personal free choice rather than magic making potions which leave us merely standing still. Walk on Heather.
Mar 23, 2022·edited Mar 23, 2022Liked by Heather Heying
This essay reminded me of my own experience with injury. In my late 40s I injured my back. The surgeon I saw recommended surgery that involed plates and pins. When I said no, he coldly replied that I would be a cripple within months. The second doctor I saw told me that if I could endure the pain while the nerve found a new path and exercised to strengthen the muscles supporting my back, there was no reason I shouldn't fully recover. It took two years for the nerve to find its new path. In the meantime I took up yoga, which not only helped physically but emotionally and spiritually. I am now 66, I do three Vinyasa classes a week, walk, garden and take care of the grandchildren completely free of pain. My body is strong and flexible. Like Heather, I aim to stay that way to my last breath.
Beautiful story--thank you for sharing. Sometimes, too, those who provide bad advice--whether or not they know they are doing so--reveal themselves in their responses to having their advice rejected. The paternalistic and authoritarian approach to much of modern medicine--"if you don't do exactly as we say, then we can do nothing for you"--is not conducive to maximal healing, or to self-sufficiency.
This is quite the pertinent conundrum in modern times. As someone who is not religious I'm starting to find some virtue in many bits of religion that I may not find literally true, but at least may have served a purpose that benefited those who believed in specific rituals or behaviors.
It's quite telling how many of today's atheists denigrate religion so much, and yet find themselves wholly dependent on either the state or ideologies of a different flavor than religion. COVID should have taught us how impressionable people are, and how likely they are to follow arbiters of their ideology. It may, to an extent, be part of our nature to look for meaning outside of us when we feel we have no control. The only issue is that modernity has not seemed to provide avenues for introspection and learning to understand what it means to have an internal locus of control.
"The universe most definitely did not give me what I needed." Playing devil's advocate now-and definitely only playing at it--advocates of the 'wisdom' of the universe could respond with another aphorism: What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Well, aren't you stronger? Seems a fair question, but maybe just an extension of the perceived illogic. Or is 'bending the universe to your will' only possible because the universe allows it?
What I am getting at is that our perception of the universe may be extremely limited, and whether or not it has purpose is still an open question. We seem to be pretty sure about entropy...at the moment. Yikes!
I believe the way in which serendipity and weird coincidences happen are because of action taken by the individual. This year I have been putting bird nesting boxes all over our farm. I was carrying a small raptor nesting box across the field to put up a tree when a Hawk entertained me by catching a vole, bringing it up to a fence post and eating it no more than 50 ft away from me holding that nest box. I've never had that sort of interaction. But I believe there has been a series of events that created that serendipitous moment, from my own actions, and in that moment I got what I wanted.
As i read this post I thought of my mother who though having gone through a traumatic experience which she likely had no recall of was able to live a full life. Though I attribute her early dementia to the event. But she always believed in hope. Hope for the good hope for the better to come. She was faithful to God and believed in hope. Perhaps God gives you what you need and you must recognize that and use it to carry on and go forward in life. For you the Universe gave you stamina intelligence and courage. That allowed you to carry on and go forward. Likely bc of your astute observations you knew what you could do. The universe gave you the opportunity to observe. Maybe that’s all you needed. Anyway I’m grateful the universe gave you that and you knew what to do bc The Darkhorse wouldn’t exist without you and Brett. Maybe the universe knows it needs you and so here you are. Have a good week!
Easy to track with you on these experiences, especially not to become what the doctors say you will. Sometimes we just need to shout “NO” from the innermost self, and say “I will,” then act accordingly. A good book along these lines is Your Body Believes Every Word You Say.
I was always partial to the Stoic take. We cannot control what happens to us, we can only control how we respond to it. When we have the choice to be graceful or resentful in the face of something that feels unfair, choosing the latter only makes things worse for ourselves and those around us. There is something powerful about learning this re-framing and applying it to everyday life. People will wonder how you are so positive all the time. How you always manage to see the silver lining. Meanwhile they are letting their days be ruined by a cold coffee at the drive-thru window.
We all have the power to choose gratitude and grace over resentment and misery. It is a shame we live in a world where people feel empowered by their misery. They do not realize they are enslaving themselves in it.
This is so lovely. I suspect that all of us have days when we let the cold coffee bring us to despair, when we feel that we have somehow earned our right to wallow, that we deserve it. Pulling ourselves out of it can feel like a chore, even if we recognize that, nearly every time that we do so (perhaps *every single time* that we do so?), we feel better, more lifted, more passionate, more full of possibility and potential, when refusing to wallow. And yet the wallowing still beckons sometimes.
That’s just it. The wallowing beckons. An opportunity to feel sorry for ourselves and to feel justified in being pouty. For many people they cannot overcome that impulse, nor recognize the sense of agency doing so can elicit. It makes me wonder what the adaptation is there driving that response.
I am about 1/3 through the course on Stoicism on Wondrium. I don't know why I waited so late in life to explore it and learn it is so much more than the superficial understanding I had.
I am reminded of a passage from Is God A Taoist where God asks the author “Where does the you end and the rest of the universe begin?”. The play between the “me” and the “exterior” is a true mystery that appears to constantly be shifting.
And this, in turn, reminds me of the question of what "nature" is, and what therefore it means for something to be natural. We can talk of wild nature and have some sense that we mean to exclude the explicitly human-made, but humans are ourselves part of nature. As we are part of the universe. Our categories are necessary, and yet can mislead as they seem to separate us from that which we are part of.
What then is this thing called "human nature"? Even though most of what you wrote about in The Hunter Gatherers guide resonates with me ( and I prob should read it again!), the *idea* that there was interference, ala Von Daniken's Chariots of the God and Clark's 2001, makes me wonder sometimes at what we have become, silly as it sounds. I think that we are the 'machine people', inseparable from what we call technology. Do we honestly think we could survive like an animal as we are now? Dependent and soft as we are? Even if tool using came to be from the process we now acknowledge as 'evolution' I can not envision an evolutionary outcome for humans that is much different from the mind in the computer singularity scenario........at least in our current trend! And I don't like that! I don't want to be separated from nature! Sorry just whistling in the wind. Lots on my mind these days. :-)
Can you do something on epigenetics Heather?
True. So much we can’t explain. And do we need to demand that all phenomena answer to our query. Mystery has its own enhancement.
For quite some time I’ve read the writings of St. Maximos the Confessor. And what you share here about yourself is a compelling story of your free choice to direct your will to the good. You walked and walked and walked. In this way you participated in the good which pre-exists us all. If we neither add or subtract to the empirical truths we experience and we weigh and measure each outcome— we have personal free choice rather than magic making potions which leave us merely standing still. Walk on Heather.
Walk on.
This essay reminded me of my own experience with injury. In my late 40s I injured my back. The surgeon I saw recommended surgery that involed plates and pins. When I said no, he coldly replied that I would be a cripple within months. The second doctor I saw told me that if I could endure the pain while the nerve found a new path and exercised to strengthen the muscles supporting my back, there was no reason I shouldn't fully recover. It took two years for the nerve to find its new path. In the meantime I took up yoga, which not only helped physically but emotionally and spiritually. I am now 66, I do three Vinyasa classes a week, walk, garden and take care of the grandchildren completely free of pain. My body is strong and flexible. Like Heather, I aim to stay that way to my last breath.
Beautiful story--thank you for sharing. Sometimes, too, those who provide bad advice--whether or not they know they are doing so--reveal themselves in their responses to having their advice rejected. The paternalistic and authoritarian approach to much of modern medicine--"if you don't do exactly as we say, then we can do nothing for you"--is not conducive to maximal healing, or to self-sufficiency.
This is quite the pertinent conundrum in modern times. As someone who is not religious I'm starting to find some virtue in many bits of religion that I may not find literally true, but at least may have served a purpose that benefited those who believed in specific rituals or behaviors.
It's quite telling how many of today's atheists denigrate religion so much, and yet find themselves wholly dependent on either the state or ideologies of a different flavor than religion. COVID should have taught us how impressionable people are, and how likely they are to follow arbiters of their ideology. It may, to an extent, be part of our nature to look for meaning outside of us when we feel we have no control. The only issue is that modernity has not seemed to provide avenues for introspection and learning to understand what it means to have an internal locus of control.
Reading this made me think of Victor Frankl, Jordan Peterson and Moshe Feldenkrais.
These aphorisms happened for a reason: someone was listening to the universe ;-).
(Most likely with an agenda...)
"The universe most definitely did not give me what I needed." Playing devil's advocate now-and definitely only playing at it--advocates of the 'wisdom' of the universe could respond with another aphorism: What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Well, aren't you stronger? Seems a fair question, but maybe just an extension of the perceived illogic. Or is 'bending the universe to your will' only possible because the universe allows it?
What I am getting at is that our perception of the universe may be extremely limited, and whether or not it has purpose is still an open question. We seem to be pretty sure about entropy...at the moment. Yikes!
I believe the way in which serendipity and weird coincidences happen are because of action taken by the individual. This year I have been putting bird nesting boxes all over our farm. I was carrying a small raptor nesting box across the field to put up a tree when a Hawk entertained me by catching a vole, bringing it up to a fence post and eating it no more than 50 ft away from me holding that nest box. I've never had that sort of interaction. But I believe there has been a series of events that created that serendipitous moment, from my own actions, and in that moment I got what I wanted.
As i read this post I thought of my mother who though having gone through a traumatic experience which she likely had no recall of was able to live a full life. Though I attribute her early dementia to the event. But she always believed in hope. Hope for the good hope for the better to come. She was faithful to God and believed in hope. Perhaps God gives you what you need and you must recognize that and use it to carry on and go forward in life. For you the Universe gave you stamina intelligence and courage. That allowed you to carry on and go forward. Likely bc of your astute observations you knew what you could do. The universe gave you the opportunity to observe. Maybe that’s all you needed. Anyway I’m grateful the universe gave you that and you knew what to do bc The Darkhorse wouldn’t exist without you and Brett. Maybe the universe knows it needs you and so here you are. Have a good week!
Easy to track with you on these experiences, especially not to become what the doctors say you will. Sometimes we just need to shout “NO” from the innermost self, and say “I will,” then act accordingly. A good book along these lines is Your Body Believes Every Word You Say.